beloved

romans 8:35  who shall separate us from the love of christ? 

[from pg's sermon today]  umm.. nothing.  nothing can separate us from god's love.  by the grace of his insurmountable love, we will never leave our side.  BUT, sin can separate us from god.  sin can steal that love from what's rightfully His.. we're the ones who move away from god.  not him.

simple theology.

lord, i pray that the enemy not steal the love i have for you.  that i don't let the enemy have control over my emotions and thoughts.  let my heart and mind always be consumed with your truth.  and nothing else.

rejoice in lord always, again i say rejoice
rejoice in lord always, again i say rejoice
rejoice, rejoice, again i say rejoice
rejoice, rejoice, again i say rejoice
rejoice in lord always, again i say rejoice

such a simple song that i learned way back in sunday school when i was little.  it sounds kind of silly but.. when i'm feeling like the flood gates are about to let go, running the words through my head helps hold back the pressure just a little longer.  i hate to keep having a mentality that life sucks right now.. because really, all things in perspective, i'm fine.  believe me, i'd rather not feel this way.

i don't feel like eating these days.  which might just be perfect cuz i should probably pray more.

sometimes i hate that i'm so guarded.

unfortunately some people will just be haters.  there's nothing that can be done to change that.  once someone gets it in their philosophy to have a certain perspective, only a miracle could crumble a steel wall.

what does that mean for me?  continue to be crippled by fear and anxiety over everything i do, knowing that one small mistake will bring ultimate wrath on me.

well, that's one option.  i know there's another but when proximity hits so close to home, reason and logic no longer exist and so i'm constantly tortured by this looming aura of dislike.  dusting off your sandals and finding another home isn't that easy.  no one tells you that part.

but i tell you this out of love.

love doesn't make people feel like they need to walk on eggshells.

not so radical as it should be ordinary.

it's simple really.  take up my cross, and follow christ.

don't be ashamed of it.  don't brag about it.  just live my life knowing that god sees everything and is the final judge of the things i do.  god and man will see my actions, but only god can see my heart.  father, let my heart be pure.

sickness hath overcome me

Tonight I'm just going to stay in bed all night, read my book and take my monster horse pills every 4 hours.

Woohoo.

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found

Today was the first day of the mission conference at DCCC. Our speaker rev. Brian Newton gave us 3 promises of god and 3 words of encouragement that might bring us into a closer relationship with our God. Among the 6, one of them was this:

We can never be so isolated that God cannot find us.

The speaker emphasized the importance of having personal encounters with God.. being intimately close with him. And then praying earnestly for others to experience His holy presence as well. There's another meaning for me..

My heart swells knowing the truth of his ever presence because oftentimes in my loneliness I feel forgotten by those around me. And yet my Saviour knows how low I am and would dig through the trenches just to reach me.

These days with mom and dad in Taiwan and Ja being busy with Chara it's hard to pick up the phone and spill the details of my life to them. And my friends.. well..


God, let me let you be enough.

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