god i pray for mike and i.
i'm starting to realize that sometimes it will be hard for the two of us to figure things out. for me, i'm really not as resilient as i thought i was. i never really had to deal with the consequences of my grumpiness on another person until now. ie. when i'm sleepy or feeling emo, all my emotion and thoughts are directly related to mike. and most of the time, they're directed in a negative way - thinking the worst of him and feeling like a victim of all sorts of atrocities. bleh. i get fristrated at myself for feeling this way and i hate that about myself. it takes all of me to convince myself otherwise. and so god, i pray that you work on my heart in this aspect. help me to be wise, to have control over my thoughts and to give them up to you. none of this spiralling despair.
the second thing is figuring out how to support him, how to encourage him, how to help him be the best man he can be, and knowing what things i can wisely take on myself. mike always has a lot of things on his mind, which means i can't always dump on him at the risk of putting too much stress and pressure on him. i know there needs to be a good balance - he needs to learn to refocus some of his energy to meet certain needs of mine and in turn, i need to learn how i can help him manage all of his responsibilities. it's not easy because a part of me expects him to shoulder things too. and then on the flip side, i think about how i can become responsible for all these small, seemingly unimportant things while he works on his own agenda. again, fine line. i need to learn to be a helper but now that he's in a relationship, there are things he could accommodate as well.
it seems like some of these christiany terms are starting to become more apparent now. things like sacrifice, putting the other person's needs above my own, etc
Monday, June 3, 2013
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
i constantly have to remind myself that
everyone's story is different
because otherwise i get angry when my coworkers live at home with their parents and have no apparent need to actually work because everything is provided for. i get angry that i'm still stuck in the same place i've been 5 years ago. i get angry that people move on while i've earned the name maneater. i get angry that god might not see how hard it is for me to deal with certain things.
i have to remember that god's timing is good and trusting him is more powerful and satisfying than a trip to the mall.
everyone's story is different
because otherwise i get angry when my coworkers live at home with their parents and have no apparent need to actually work because everything is provided for. i get angry that i'm still stuck in the same place i've been 5 years ago. i get angry that people move on while i've earned the name maneater. i get angry that god might not see how hard it is for me to deal with certain things.
i have to remember that god's timing is good and trusting him is more powerful and satisfying than a trip to the mall.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
peter, an apostle of jesus christ.
to god's elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout pontus, galatia, cappadoccia, asia and bithynia, who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of jesus christ, through the sanctifying work of the spirit, for obedience to god and the sprinkling by his blood, grace and peace be yours in abundance!
praise be to the god and father of our lord jesus christ. in his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of jesus christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that will never perish, spoil, or fade - kept in heaven for you, who through father are shielded by god's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last times. in this you rejoice greatly. though for now, you may have had to suffer grief of all kinds of trials. but these have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perished even though refined by fire, may be proved genuine and may result in glory, honor and praise when jesus christ is revealed. though you have not seen him, you love him and though you do not see him now you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy because you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of you souls.
therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self controlled. set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when jesus christ is revealed. as obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. but just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do. for it is written, be holy, because he is holy.
since you call on a fether a father who judges each man's work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear. for you know that it is not with perishable things like gold and silver that you have been redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you by your forefathers, but my the precious blood of christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. he was chosen before the creation of the world but was revealed in these last times for your sake. through him you believe in god, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, so that your faith and hope are in god.
since you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love each other deeply, from the heart. for you are born again, not by perishable seed, but my imperishable, through the living and enduring word of god. for all men are like grass, and all their glory like the flowers of the field. the grass will wither and the flowers will fall, but the word of the lord stands forever.
and this is the word that was preached to you.
1 peter 1
to god's elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout pontus, galatia, cappadoccia, asia and bithynia, who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of jesus christ, through the sanctifying work of the spirit, for obedience to god and the sprinkling by his blood, grace and peace be yours in abundance!
praise be to the god and father of our lord jesus christ. in his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of jesus christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that will never perish, spoil, or fade - kept in heaven for you, who through father are shielded by god's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last times. in this you rejoice greatly. though for now, you may have had to suffer grief of all kinds of trials. but these have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perished even though refined by fire, may be proved genuine and may result in glory, honor and praise when jesus christ is revealed. though you have not seen him, you love him and though you do not see him now you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy because you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of you souls.
therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self controlled. set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when jesus christ is revealed. as obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. but just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do. for it is written, be holy, because he is holy.
since you call on a fether a father who judges each man's work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear. for you know that it is not with perishable things like gold and silver that you have been redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you by your forefathers, but my the precious blood of christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. he was chosen before the creation of the world but was revealed in these last times for your sake. through him you believe in god, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, so that your faith and hope are in god.
since you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love each other deeply, from the heart. for you are born again, not by perishable seed, but my imperishable, through the living and enduring word of god. for all men are like grass, and all their glory like the flowers of the field. the grass will wither and the flowers will fall, but the word of the lord stands forever.
and this is the word that was preached to you.
1 peter 1
Thursday, December 15, 2011
ridiculous. the other day i'd resolved to never give up even if things seemed any less than spectacular. i figured in the larger scheme of life, my problems are nothing compared to the many blessings i have. additionally, i'd been convicted once again that these little trifles are only to bring me closer to christ and to let his glory be revealed in due time. what a great witness, yeah?
i must've been in a good mood that day.
i give up.
i simply can't handle everything right now. and as much as i seek the lord for strength and all that kinda stuff, i'm just not able to hold up.
i must've been in a good mood that day.
i give up.
i simply can't handle everything right now. and as much as i seek the lord for strength and all that kinda stuff, i'm just not able to hold up.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
good article so i don't forget:
Sidestepping Stagnation
The Hiding Place is Corrie ten Boom’s amazing account of her life around the time of World War II, especially the time she and her sister Betsie spent in a Nazi concentration camp. Both women were strong Christians, but in her book, Corrie recounts instance after instance when she was blown away by her sister’s faith. In one particular situation, Corrie and Betsie were shoveling dirt. Betsie was too weak to lift much dirt on her shovel. The guard chided Betsie, mocked her and eventually struck her across the face with a whip. Corrie shares first her own reaction, and then Betsie’s response:
A few years ago, a woman named Li joined my church and shared her life story: She grew up in China, became a Christian by getting involved in an underground church, and eventually moved to the United States where she has lived for at least 15 years. What I remember most from her account is the difference between Christian life in China and Christian life in the United States. Before hearing Li’s story, I would have assumed that Christian life in the U.S. is preferable, but she feels quite the opposite.
Yes, the repression of Christianity is unpleasant, but it forces Christians to take a stand for their beliefs — to live a passionate life of faith or abandon the Lord altogether. China has no place for half-hearted Christians. Therefore, as a new Christian, Li learned from a zealous body of believers who could not live one day without evangelism at the forefront of their minds. When she moved to the United States, Li was frustrated to live among many Christians who were not as driven to grow in their faith and spread the Gospel as those she knew in China. The U.S. culture has a large, welcoming place for half-hearted Christians and sometimes even helps funnel Christians toward comfort with a faith that is not backed by much action.
When I think about it, I am not surprised by her conclusion. I even see it on a smaller scale in my own life. I’ve rarely faced persecution, but the times of loss, loneliness, abrupt change, feeling overwhelmed or making difficult choices are the times when I have grown the most and when my faith has shined the brightest. During the times that are calm, stable and consistently pleasant, I’m terrified of one thing: stagnation.
Whether it is a season of your life or a tenet of your culture, many of us encounter forces that encourage us to stay where we are, stop growing in faith and lose our passion for the Lord. While I would not wish persecution on myself or anyone, I almost wonder if apathy is a more difficult enemy to fight than hostility, simply because the approach to fighting it is much less clear. Li certainly wrestles with this. I wonder how Betsie and Corrie would have responded.
I do not have a good answer. Instead, I’d like to ask you: What truths from Scripture, lessons from your own life, or strategies do you use to sidestep stagnation and keep growing in your faith and your boldness for the Lord?
Sidestepping Stagnation
The Hiding Place is Corrie ten Boom’s amazing account of her life around the time of World War II, especially the time she and her sister Betsie spent in a Nazi concentration camp. Both women were strong Christians, but in her book, Corrie recounts instance after instance when she was blown away by her sister’s faith. In one particular situation, Corrie and Betsie were shoveling dirt. Betsie was too weak to lift much dirt on her shovel. The guard chided Betsie, mocked her and eventually struck her across the face with a whip. Corrie shares first her own reaction, and then Betsie’s response:Without knowing I was doing it, I had seized my shovel and rushed at [the guard].Corrie and Betsie’s narrative is one incredible story among many that fill the history books of Christianity. Some, like Corrie and Betsie, were persecuted for doing what their faith led them to believe was right. Others were persecuted simply for professing to be Christian. Even in many countries today, Christianity is severely restricted or illegal. If you are going to be a Christian in these places, you have a lot to stand up against.
Betsie stepped in front of me before anyone had seen. “Corrie!” she pleaded, dragging my arm to my side. “Corrie, keep working!” She tugged the shovel from my hand and dug it into the mud. Contemptuously the guard tossed Betsie’s shovel toward us. I picked it up, still in a daze. A red stain appeared on Betsie’s collar; a welt began to swell on her neck.
Betsie saw where I was looking and laid a bird-thin hand over the whip mark. “Don’t look at it, Corrie. Look at Jesus only.” She drew away her hand; it was sticky with blood.
A few years ago, a woman named Li joined my church and shared her life story: She grew up in China, became a Christian by getting involved in an underground church, and eventually moved to the United States where she has lived for at least 15 years. What I remember most from her account is the difference between Christian life in China and Christian life in the United States. Before hearing Li’s story, I would have assumed that Christian life in the U.S. is preferable, but she feels quite the opposite.
Yes, the repression of Christianity is unpleasant, but it forces Christians to take a stand for their beliefs — to live a passionate life of faith or abandon the Lord altogether. China has no place for half-hearted Christians. Therefore, as a new Christian, Li learned from a zealous body of believers who could not live one day without evangelism at the forefront of their minds. When she moved to the United States, Li was frustrated to live among many Christians who were not as driven to grow in their faith and spread the Gospel as those she knew in China. The U.S. culture has a large, welcoming place for half-hearted Christians and sometimes even helps funnel Christians toward comfort with a faith that is not backed by much action.
When I think about it, I am not surprised by her conclusion. I even see it on a smaller scale in my own life. I’ve rarely faced persecution, but the times of loss, loneliness, abrupt change, feeling overwhelmed or making difficult choices are the times when I have grown the most and when my faith has shined the brightest. During the times that are calm, stable and consistently pleasant, I’m terrified of one thing: stagnation.
Whether it is a season of your life or a tenet of your culture, many of us encounter forces that encourage us to stay where we are, stop growing in faith and lose our passion for the Lord. While I would not wish persecution on myself or anyone, I almost wonder if apathy is a more difficult enemy to fight than hostility, simply because the approach to fighting it is much less clear. Li certainly wrestles with this. I wonder how Betsie and Corrie would have responded.
I do not have a good answer. Instead, I’d like to ask you: What truths from Scripture, lessons from your own life, or strategies do you use to sidestep stagnation and keep growing in your faith and your boldness for the Lord?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
o lord you have searched me and you know me. you know when i sit and when i rise. you perceive my thoughts from afar. you discern my going out and my lying down. you are familiar with all my ways. even before a word is on my tongue you know it completely. you hem me in behind and before - you have laid your hand upon me. such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. where can i go from your spirit? where can i flee from your presence? if i go up to the heavens you are there. if i make my bed in the depths you are there. if i rise on the wings of dawn, if i settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me. your right hand will hold me fast. if i say surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you, for darkness is as light to you.
this one is so good to remember. i dunno.. i seem to be a little more insecure and doubtful of myself compared to other people. and that's the thing.. i'm really good at comparing myself with other people and finding that i always fall short on any given point of comparison. obviously, there's no warm fuzzy feeling in that. the worst part is that i come to doubt the intent of the creator and i criticize, scrutinize and minimize the power of my god who created my inmost being. doh.
let's try and keep this one in mind more, yeah?
psalm 139
this one is so good to remember. i dunno.. i seem to be a little more insecure and doubtful of myself compared to other people. and that's the thing.. i'm really good at comparing myself with other people and finding that i always fall short on any given point of comparison. obviously, there's no warm fuzzy feeling in that. the worst part is that i come to doubt the intent of the creator and i criticize, scrutinize and minimize the power of my god who created my inmost being. doh.
let's try and keep this one in mind more, yeah?
Sunday, June 26, 2011
i'm so completely undeserving.
ahhh i can't even verbalize what i'm thinking. i guess it's divinity unexplainable.
why is it that my god would listen to my prayers? i don't do anything right, my heart is more often than not on the opposite end of loving, my understanding of his love and reliance on his truth is like bread crumbs.. but he still listens to my prayers and fulfills my hearts desires with all things good. why?!?!
god i thank you for this love i can't even understand, with a grateful heart that seems inadequate and disproportional to the level of grace you've given me.
ahhh i can't even verbalize what i'm thinking. i guess it's divinity unexplainable.
why is it that my god would listen to my prayers? i don't do anything right, my heart is more often than not on the opposite end of loving, my understanding of his love and reliance on his truth is like bread crumbs.. but he still listens to my prayers and fulfills my hearts desires with all things good. why?!?!
god i thank you for this love i can't even understand, with a grateful heart that seems inadequate and disproportional to the level of grace you've given me.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
hmmmmm i'm starting to really lovelovelove that first part of phil 2
if you have any encouragement in being united with christ, if any comfort in his love, if any fellowship with the spirit, if any tenderness of compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.
i have a tendency to share all that... with myself. and while that is good to continue meditating on god's word and reflecting on his good work in other people, somewhere in that process, there's eliminates the like-minded component. sorry while i dissect this: being like-minded means that there must be another mind to share similar thoughts, goals, values, visions with. if there is no other mind, then the statement would better read "make my joy complete by being a loner with happy thoughts"
that doesn't sound very encouraging. i pray that i might have the boldness to be more outward about the things that god has impressed on my heart. that by his grace, he would allow me to serve with others in one spirit and purpose.
if you have any encouragement in being united with christ, if any comfort in his love, if any fellowship with the spirit, if any tenderness of compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.
i have a tendency to share all that... with myself. and while that is good to continue meditating on god's word and reflecting on his good work in other people, somewhere in that process, there's eliminates the like-minded component. sorry while i dissect this: being like-minded means that there must be another mind to share similar thoughts, goals, values, visions with. if there is no other mind, then the statement would better read "make my joy complete by being a loner with happy thoughts"
that doesn't sound very encouraging. i pray that i might have the boldness to be more outward about the things that god has impressed on my heart. that by his grace, he would allow me to serve with others in one spirit and purpose.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
if you have any encouragement in being united in christ, if any comfort in his love, if any fellowship in the spirit, if any tenderness or compassion, then make my joy complete in being life-minded. having the same love and being one in spirit and purpose. do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility, consider everyone better than yourselves. each of you should look not only to your own interests but to the interests of others.
your attitude should be like that of christ jesus. who, being in very nature god, did not consider equality with god something to be grasped. but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. and being found int he appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross. therefore god exalted him in the highest places and gave him the name that is above every name. that at the name of jesus, every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth. and every tongue will confess that jesus christ is lord. to the glory of god the father.
some of phil 2
how we live is one thing. how we live among other people and interact with other people is something else. and it's quite amazing that in the sufficiency of the bible, therein lies the rules that govern how these things should work. i think it was last summer when acacia was watching through the truth project series. there was one particular installment that talked specifically on relationships. mm mi favorito.
relationships in the context of god's perfect design. he drew 3 circles symbolizing the cyclic relationship between the divine, the church, and the family. this wasn't new news to me, but the way he explained it and drew it out (i'm visual) made so much sense to me.
thinking about philippians 2, it makes even more sense. your attitude should be like that of christ jesus, who being in very nature god, did not consider equality with god something to be grasped. if that same relationship is stretched across to the church sphere, and over again to the family sphere, it's pretty clear what each of our roles are as we fit ourselves in. as a leader, part of the flock (note sheepy), as a daughter, etc. taking the very nature of a servant, he humbled himself and became obedient. sounds a little backwards but when operated under this perfect design, it actually works! therefore, god exalted him in the highest places and gave him the name above all names. kinda like 1 thess. 5:12-13. and kinda like prov. 31:28.
真的很奇妙..
your attitude should be like that of christ jesus. who, being in very nature god, did not consider equality with god something to be grasped. but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. and being found int he appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross. therefore god exalted him in the highest places and gave him the name that is above every name. that at the name of jesus, every knee should bow in heaven and on earth and under the earth. and every tongue will confess that jesus christ is lord. to the glory of god the father.
some of phil 2
how we live is one thing. how we live among other people and interact with other people is something else. and it's quite amazing that in the sufficiency of the bible, therein lies the rules that govern how these things should work. i think it was last summer when acacia was watching through the truth project series. there was one particular installment that talked specifically on relationships. mm mi favorito.
relationships in the context of god's perfect design. he drew 3 circles symbolizing the cyclic relationship between the divine, the church, and the family. this wasn't new news to me, but the way he explained it and drew it out (i'm visual) made so much sense to me.
thinking about philippians 2, it makes even more sense. your attitude should be like that of christ jesus, who being in very nature god, did not consider equality with god something to be grasped. if that same relationship is stretched across to the church sphere, and over again to the family sphere, it's pretty clear what each of our roles are as we fit ourselves in. as a leader, part of the flock (note sheepy), as a daughter, etc. taking the very nature of a servant, he humbled himself and became obedient. sounds a little backwards but when operated under this perfect design, it actually works! therefore, god exalted him in the highest places and gave him the name above all names. kinda like 1 thess. 5:12-13. and kinda like prov. 31:28.
真的很奇妙..
one of my favorite things about coming home is having full access to our beautiful piano. i'm still not very good with chords and stuff like that and everything i play always seem to revolve around the key of D. but still, i lovelovelove sitting there clonking out delicious dissonance.
i'm recently fascinated with hymns. it's definitely not your average hillsong or chris tomlin. but flipping through the inch and a half thick hymnal, i've felt so touched by these words that were penned so long ago. one song in particular seems like it were written straight from my heart by someone else more eloquent than i could ever be.
I know not what awaits me,
God kindly veils mine eyes,
And o’er each step of my onward way
He makes new scenes to rise;
And ev’ry joy He sends me, comes
A sweet and glad surprise.
Where He may lead me I’ll follow,
My trust in Him repose
And ev’ry hour in perfect peace
I’ll sing, He knows, He knows;
And ev’ry hour in perfect peace
I’ll sing, He knows, He knows.
My trust in Him repose
And ev’ry hour in perfect peace
I’ll sing, He knows, He knows;
And ev’ry hour in perfect peace
I’ll sing, He knows, He knows.
One step I see before me,
’Tis all I need to see,
’Tis all I need to see,
The light of Heav’n more brightly shines,
When earth’s illusions flee;
And sweetly through the silence, came
His loving “Follow me.”
When earth’s illusions flee;
And sweetly through the silence, came
His loving “Follow me.”
O blissful lack of wisdom,
’Tis blessèd not to know;
He holds me with His own right hand,
And will not let me go,
And lulls my troubled soul to rest
In Him Who loves me so.
’Tis blessèd not to know;
He holds me with His own right hand,
And will not let me go,
And lulls my troubled soul to rest
In Him Who loves me so.
So on I go not knowing,
I would not if I might;
I’d rather walk in the dark with God
Than go alone in the light;
I’d rather walk in faith with Him
Than go alone by sight.
I would not if I might;
I’d rather walk in the dark with God
Than go alone in the light;
I’d rather walk in faith with Him
Than go alone by sight.
He knows, He knows, He knows.
sounds very hymnish, but the words are beautiful nonetheless.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
after i published my last thought, i started thinking.. what good would it really do to tell a newbie graduate what i've learned? i'd been on the receiving end myself when i was on the verge of graduation - eagerly absorbing any advice that came my way. and yet, i still had to endure the difficulties and sadness that followed this happy cap and gown ceremony. is it any use? i almost pulled that post.. thinking i'd have to come up with a better conclusion before i repost. or better advice.. or, i dunno.. a good joke that euphematically summarizes the season of crappiness that may follow their graduation.
boy, am i chipper these days!
during sunday school pastor gee has been showing a video series from focus on the family about the israelites coming out of egypt and into the desert. sometimes i feel bad for not taking it seriously because of the epic music that plays in the background and the weirdo dramatization that happens. but the message content is really quite amazing. this sunday, the tour guide took the group through deuteronomy 17. lessons on trials and obedience, manna and quail. i can't find my notes so my thoughts are kinda all over the place.
the question that came up in the previous series and again in this week's installment was whether or not we should pray for trials. trials meaning hardships that test every fiber of our livelihood - physical, emotional, spiritual. it's different for everyone, but whatever the test, god is looking to see whether our complete obedience and reliance on him stands these experiential circumstances. the tour guide calls these desert times a honeymoon with god.
i say from experience that it is definitely when i'm at whit's end when i'm feverishly reading the word and praying prayers for things i'm not even sure how or what to pray - a constant dialogue with god because i don't know what else i can do. honeymoon's not quite the right word i would use to explain it unless i have a completely wrong idea of what that word means.. but in any case, the tour guide says these situations allow us to show in our actions what is in our heart. it's like it's just me n god, duking it out - him winning of course, and me humbled by his power and rule not just over my life, but over every single freaking detail of every single thing. i'm compelled to give up my own resistances and let his peace overtake me. and because of that, i fall even more in love with my father and creator.
so trial or no trial? well, if it's a choice between finding love or living in emptiness, i think the choice is clear. i mean, i hear it all the time: you'd do anything for love. when it comes to the father of the heavenly lights, does the same apply?
the tour guide closes the episode with one last point. a point that he's hesitant to bring up because it is so difficult yet so prevalent in our lives. he says, perhaps the hardest thing we will ever encounter. i sat there thinking, what could be harder?
it is when things are going good. when things are good, we, like the israelites, like me - with hamster size brains, forget about god and the sovereign mercy and grace he gives to us, and revert to relying on our own strength and capabilities. and the god who longs for our attention and delights in our communion with him gets left out. that is when things get gnarly. pride, selfishness, idolatry, self-reliance.. those things get in the way and lead us into a spiraling dive down the path of sin. not good.
so what does this have anything to do with advice i would give to people who are anticipating life after college? not much of what i say will steer you clear of troubles and disappointments that come your way. nothing will prepare you for what's to come. but there is one thing that must be held onto - and that is a heart of obedience to follow god and rely on him. all the time.
reminds me of that scene in the movie twister where the main couple characters chain themselves to the pipes of a bathroom sink. when the tornado came through, there was nothing they could do but to be swept up into the eye of the storm - prevented from being carried away into certain death by all but one chain that anchored them down.
mmm.. lost my train of thought.. i wonder where those notes went.
boy, am i chipper these days!
during sunday school pastor gee has been showing a video series from focus on the family about the israelites coming out of egypt and into the desert. sometimes i feel bad for not taking it seriously because of the epic music that plays in the background and the weirdo dramatization that happens. but the message content is really quite amazing. this sunday, the tour guide took the group through deuteronomy 17. lessons on trials and obedience, manna and quail. i can't find my notes so my thoughts are kinda all over the place.
the question that came up in the previous series and again in this week's installment was whether or not we should pray for trials. trials meaning hardships that test every fiber of our livelihood - physical, emotional, spiritual. it's different for everyone, but whatever the test, god is looking to see whether our complete obedience and reliance on him stands these experiential circumstances. the tour guide calls these desert times a honeymoon with god.
i say from experience that it is definitely when i'm at whit's end when i'm feverishly reading the word and praying prayers for things i'm not even sure how or what to pray - a constant dialogue with god because i don't know what else i can do. honeymoon's not quite the right word i would use to explain it unless i have a completely wrong idea of what that word means.. but in any case, the tour guide says these situations allow us to show in our actions what is in our heart. it's like it's just me n god, duking it out - him winning of course, and me humbled by his power and rule not just over my life, but over every single freaking detail of every single thing. i'm compelled to give up my own resistances and let his peace overtake me. and because of that, i fall even more in love with my father and creator.
so trial or no trial? well, if it's a choice between finding love or living in emptiness, i think the choice is clear. i mean, i hear it all the time: you'd do anything for love. when it comes to the father of the heavenly lights, does the same apply?
the tour guide closes the episode with one last point. a point that he's hesitant to bring up because it is so difficult yet so prevalent in our lives. he says, perhaps the hardest thing we will ever encounter. i sat there thinking, what could be harder?
it is when things are going good. when things are good, we, like the israelites, like me - with hamster size brains, forget about god and the sovereign mercy and grace he gives to us, and revert to relying on our own strength and capabilities. and the god who longs for our attention and delights in our communion with him gets left out. that is when things get gnarly. pride, selfishness, idolatry, self-reliance.. those things get in the way and lead us into a spiraling dive down the path of sin. not good.
so what does this have anything to do with advice i would give to people who are anticipating life after college? not much of what i say will steer you clear of troubles and disappointments that come your way. nothing will prepare you for what's to come. but there is one thing that must be held onto - and that is a heart of obedience to follow god and rely on him. all the time.
reminds me of that scene in the movie twister where the main couple characters chain themselves to the pipes of a bathroom sink. when the tornado came through, there was nothing they could do but to be swept up into the eye of the storm - prevented from being carried away into certain death by all but one chain that anchored them down.
mmm.. lost my train of thought.. i wonder where those notes went.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
last sunday i briefly talked to a compass girl who asked me if i like living around here. she's a sophomore and, at least from what i've seen, she's pretty involved with compass. i asked her the same question back and her answer was a very definitive "i want to get out as soon as i can".
over the last few years, god has opened my eyes and my heart to understand the way he works in my life so much. being in the place i am right now, my first thought was whhaaaaat?! how could anyone possibly despise this place so much?! but it only takes a quick rewind four years back to remind me that at one point, i too, hated this city called sacramento. no form of sympathy or pep talk could get me to wrap my mind around the possibility of embracing my current situation. i even hated going grocery shopping. that's bad.
nothing about this city has changed though. which can only mean one thing.. thank the lord for his power of transformation or else my life would be miserable.
this girl i talked to mentioned sad things like having nothing to do, nowhere to go, being stuck.. i wish i could talk to her more cuz i sometimes feel the same way too. but here's some things i've collected along the way:
once exciting places will get old
relationships will come in and out
retail therapy is a myth
even the perfect job is not so perfect afterall
stress eating will make youfat unhealthy
trying to blend in with the rest of the world will only make you feel more empty
the one thing that stays constant is god. haha the answer to all life's questions. except that it's kinda true.
join with others. it's still a struggle for me sometimes to just be okay where i am, but the important thing is to be a part of a community that cares and encourages, and challenges me to grow. a part from that, i think i could live anywhere. it's easy and super spiritual to say that as long as i've got god, everything will be okay.. but most times it's not easy to bring that mantra into the daily grind. i'd tell her that being patient is hard. and sometimes when your mind is already set on believing the negatives, it would take a miracle to change that perspective. but god is in the business of transformation.. so be ready for it.
over the last few years, god has opened my eyes and my heart to understand the way he works in my life so much. being in the place i am right now, my first thought was whhaaaaat?! how could anyone possibly despise this place so much?! but it only takes a quick rewind four years back to remind me that at one point, i too, hated this city called sacramento. no form of sympathy or pep talk could get me to wrap my mind around the possibility of embracing my current situation. i even hated going grocery shopping. that's bad.
nothing about this city has changed though. which can only mean one thing.. thank the lord for his power of transformation or else my life would be miserable.
this girl i talked to mentioned sad things like having nothing to do, nowhere to go, being stuck.. i wish i could talk to her more cuz i sometimes feel the same way too. but here's some things i've collected along the way:
once exciting places will get old
relationships will come in and out
retail therapy is a myth
even the perfect job is not so perfect afterall
stress eating will make you
trying to blend in with the rest of the world will only make you feel more empty
the one thing that stays constant is god. haha the answer to all life's questions. except that it's kinda true.
join with others in following my example and take note of those who live according to the pattern we have given them. for, as i have often said before, and say again even with tears - many live as enemies of the cross of christ. their destiny is destruction. their god is their stomach and their glory is in their shame. their minds are on earthly things. but our citizenship is in heaven and we eagerly await the saviour from there - our lord jesus christ. who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so they become like his glorious body.
join with others. it's still a struggle for me sometimes to just be okay where i am, but the important thing is to be a part of a community that cares and encourages, and challenges me to grow. a part from that, i think i could live anywhere. it's easy and super spiritual to say that as long as i've got god, everything will be okay.. but most times it's not easy to bring that mantra into the daily grind. i'd tell her that being patient is hard. and sometimes when your mind is already set on believing the negatives, it would take a miracle to change that perspective. but god is in the business of transformation.. so be ready for it.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Ahh what a day. And I'm only half way through!
Between the bulging colostomy bag, the missing lunch cart and missing supervisors, and a wine bottle shortage there could've been several moments of fleshed out insanity. But thank god for 8 hours of good sleep prior to clocking in today.
..found an extra bottle and felt very happy :) because of the name, silly.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Not that I have already attained this or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took of me. I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it, but one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and striving toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize that god has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too god will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. Join with others in following my example and take note of those who are living according to the pattern we gave them. For as I've often said before and say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach and their glory is in their shame. Their minds are on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a savior from there. Who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they become like his glorious body. Friends, whom I love and long for, my joy and my crown, this is how we should stand firm in the lord.
Some more of Phil 3
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Thursday, May 19, 2011
recent reception of new news has inclined me to feel like barfing.
this is funny for two different reasons. one, i don't usually barf. (which makes me kinda like a bunny, who are physiologically unable to barf in general) if i get sick, it usually finds another way out.
and two. from what i know, though limited in experience and knowledge, the feeling of barfing is probably the most opposite effect such news should have on the normal person. words like jubilation and merriment would seem more appropriate. definitely not brain-sucking nausea.
ah well, i'm also not prone to displaying appropriate behavior as a first reaction so we'll see what happens. meanwhile, grab me a bucket.
this is funny for two different reasons. one, i don't usually barf. (which makes me kinda like a bunny, who are physiologically unable to barf in general) if i get sick, it usually finds another way out.
and two. from what i know, though limited in experience and knowledge, the feeling of barfing is probably the most opposite effect such news should have on the normal person. words like jubilation and merriment would seem more appropriate. definitely not brain-sucking nausea.
ah well, i'm also not prone to displaying appropriate behavior as a first reaction so we'll see what happens. meanwhile, grab me a bucket.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
emo picture of the day.
whatever was to my profit i now consider loss for the sake of knowing christ. what is more, i consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing christ jesus my lord. for whose sake i have lost everything. i consider everything rubbish that i might gain christ and be found in him. not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law - but that which is through faith in christ. a righteousness that is from god and is by faith. i want to know christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing of his sufferings. becoming like him in death in order to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
rejoice in the lord always, again i say rejoice. let your gentleness be evident to all. the lord is near. do not be anxious about anything but in everything, with prayer and petition, and with thanksgiving, present your request to god and the peace that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in christ jesus. finally, brother, whatever is true whatever is noble, whatever is pure whatever is right, whatever is lovely whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put it into practice! and the god of peace will be with you.
i rejoice greatly in the lord that lat last you have renewed in your concern for me. indeed you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. i am not saying this because i am in need for i have learn to be content whatever the circumstances. whether in plenty or in want, i have found the secret of being content in any and every situation. whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. i can do all things through christ who gives me strength.
parts of philippians 3 and 4
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
You hold the future in your hands
You know my dreams and you have a plan
And as you light my way, I'll follow you
My eyes on all of the above
My soul secure in all you've done
My minds made up
And you are the only one for me
Jesus, savior, in my life you are everything
My future decided, I will praise your name
And I know that I am, I am yours
Yeah, I know that I am, I am yours
You hold the earth in your command
You are the rock on which I stand
And as I live each day, I'll follow you
My eyes on all of the above
My soul secure in all you've done
My minds made up
And you are the only one for me
Jesus, savior, in my life you are everything
My future decided, I will praise your name
And I know that I am, I am yours
Yeah, I know that I am, I am yours
Aren't afraid, aren't ashamed Lord we know who we are
We are your people and we won't be silent
Unified hear us cry at the top of our lungs
You our God and we will not be shaken
Aren't afraid, aren't ashamed Lord we know who we are
We are your people and we won't be silent
Unified hear us cry at the top of our lungs
You our God and we will not be shaken
Jesus, savior, in my life you are everything
My future decided, I will praise your name
And I know that I am, I am yours
Yeah, I know that I am, I am yours
lately the cd on repeat in my car has been all of the above from hillsong. basically, i can get through the entire cd during the time it takes me drive to davis and back. i've listened through it many times = ] sometimes i sing along with the songs when i'm driving without actually knowing what i'm singing just cuz i know the song so well..
i believe these words. i believe that my entire life is in his hands and he directs this life on a foundation of deep love. this is a reminder to myself to give thanks and praise in all things.
don't go turning emo on me!!
You know my dreams and you have a plan
And as you light my way, I'll follow you
My eyes on all of the above
My soul secure in all you've done
My minds made up
And you are the only one for me
Jesus, savior, in my life you are everything
My future decided, I will praise your name
And I know that I am, I am yours
Yeah, I know that I am, I am yours
You hold the earth in your command
You are the rock on which I stand
And as I live each day, I'll follow you
My eyes on all of the above
My soul secure in all you've done
My minds made up
And you are the only one for me
Jesus, savior, in my life you are everything
My future decided, I will praise your name
And I know that I am, I am yours
Yeah, I know that I am, I am yours
Aren't afraid, aren't ashamed Lord we know who we are
We are your people and we won't be silent
Unified hear us cry at the top of our lungs
You our God and we will not be shaken
Aren't afraid, aren't ashamed Lord we know who we are
We are your people and we won't be silent
Unified hear us cry at the top of our lungs
You our God and we will not be shaken
Jesus, savior, in my life you are everything
My future decided, I will praise your name
And I know that I am, I am yours
Yeah, I know that I am, I am yours
lately the cd on repeat in my car has been all of the above from hillsong. basically, i can get through the entire cd during the time it takes me drive to davis and back. i've listened through it many times = ] sometimes i sing along with the songs when i'm driving without actually knowing what i'm singing just cuz i know the song so well..
i believe these words. i believe that my entire life is in his hands and he directs this life on a foundation of deep love. this is a reminder to myself to give thanks and praise in all things.
don't go turning emo on me!!
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