god i pray for mike and i.
i'm starting to realize that sometimes it will be hard for the two of us to figure things out. for me, i'm really not as resilient as i thought i was. i never really had to deal with the consequences of my grumpiness on another person until now. ie. when i'm sleepy or feeling emo, all my emotion and thoughts are directly related to mike. and most of the time, they're directed in a negative way - thinking the worst of him and feeling like a victim of all sorts of atrocities. bleh. i get fristrated at myself for feeling this way and i hate that about myself. it takes all of me to convince myself otherwise. and so god, i pray that you work on my heart in this aspect. help me to be wise, to have control over my thoughts and to give them up to you. none of this spiralling despair.
the second thing is figuring out how to support him, how to encourage him, how to help him be the best man he can be, and knowing what things i can wisely take on myself. mike always has a lot of things on his mind, which means i can't always dump on him at the risk of putting too much stress and pressure on him. i know there needs to be a good balance - he needs to learn to refocus some of his energy to meet certain needs of mine and in turn, i need to learn how i can help him manage all of his responsibilities. it's not easy because a part of me expects him to shoulder things too. and then on the flip side, i think about how i can become responsible for all these small, seemingly unimportant things while he works on his own agenda. again, fine line. i need to learn to be a helper but now that he's in a relationship, there are things he could accommodate as well.
it seems like some of these christiany terms are starting to become more apparent now. things like sacrifice, putting the other person's needs above my own, etc
