i love christmas.

presents!!!

not to come off as a piously wholesome monk, but honestly, more than getting presents myself i love lOve Love to give other people presents. i love every part of present giving. from roaming hours in a store or clicking my mouse online, to wrapping each package in its own unique costume, to finally giving it away.. i love it!!!

this year, my wrapping came from several sources that i'm eternally grateful for:
::gift boxes::gift tags::strawberries::




....34 strawberries later >_< it hurts to type.

the gift tags are so completely cute! my only hesitation is that those who receive gifts with the smoking bear might feel dejected and unloved. ah well, i can only hope that they will feel my love seep into their hands as they open up the little package of goodness :D

how romahntic.

..but it wasn't just about my feelings. the more i got to know you, the more i was certain that you;d do whatever it took to provide for your family. that was important to me. you have to understand that back then, a lot of people our age wanted to change the world. even though it's a noble idea, i knew i wanted something more traditional. i wanted a family like my parents had, and i wanted to concentrate on my little corner of the world. i wanted someone who wanted to marry a wife and mother, and someone who would respect my choice.

the wedding, nicholas sparks

this is the first sparks novel i've read.. and i have to admit, i felt a small hint of a tear form within my tear glands at the apex of the novel's plot. i understand now why nicholas sparks has such an entourage of followers.. every woman wants their own love story. unfortunately reality doesn't always deliver such a perfectly scripted storyline. so to make up for losses, reading fictitious novels of a dream played out on paper fills that longing. however transiently it may last.

then again, minus the psychological analysis of someone's motivation to read such cheesewhiz books, some people may just enjoy a good read (ie. me) hehe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

not having to work today, i spent a few hours of my day sipping a white mocha latte at the coffee shop down the street while reading about ancient civilizations. as i was reading about the medieval times and rifts between the protestant and catholic church, i was suddenly transported back in time to my seventh grade social studies classroom with mr. pratt standing in the front of the flourescent lit room, giving us our 3 objective questions to be answered by the end of the lecture. i wish i could say that i aced that class but frankly, i didn't even understand what the word .objective. meant until my junior year in college.

i've always enjoyed going to school and found learning a fascinating ordeal. i can fully recollect sounding out words that rhyme with the ending "ox" in 1st grade to learning about the lifecycle of the common freshwater flatworm in 5th grade. while i might just have a spectacular long term memory of all things irrelevant, there's a wealth of knowledge that i've acquired throughout the years. unfortunately, when it came to grades, i was far from achieving. i understand now that my problem was an inability to study effectively.. even throughout my middle school years, i secretly hoped i had some sort of learning disability to use as a scapegoat for my frequent 0/3 objective quiz scores. >_<


so back to my latte and my eardrums vibrating to taylor swift and the invention of the printing press, it's amazing how easily things click 10 years later. there's a story for future students... haha

of truth and romance

ehh.. not so daily after all.. my internet was disconnected due to a missed payment from the neighbor downstairs. a slight setback to my routine but not the worst thing that could happen. fortunately i was able to use the time i would have spent staring into the vastness of the www, finishing up the last of my breastfeeding homework, reading a few great novels, and watching old episodes of the office.

i just wanted to jot down a few notes before i go to sleep..

i am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of god and are turning to a different gospel - which is really no gospel at all. evidently some people are throwing you into confusion. gal 1

what i think i need to learn from paul is that the gospel is the only truth. his plan will never fail. no matter what other people sat, i cannot let another gospel or another discouraging word get in the way of my father's plan for me. this is what counts. no matter what setbacks i face, i will only follow the one who calls me his child.


in other news, i've recently come to find something so romantic and simple about jane austen novels. i love that era where one addresses another by mister and miss, and acknowledging people on the street with a curtsy or a bow, and dancing in circles at balls hosted by the neighbors. whatever happened to those traditions?! i think i should like to gather my own eggs from chickens raised in the backyard, too.

the secret (christian) life of deborah lee

something i've been thinking about for quite some time now is what my role is as a christian in my workplace. for the first time in my life, i'm immersed into a place where i'm not surrounded by people who have the same views as i do regarding faith, eternity, and our purpose on this earth. blessed as i was growing up in a home where christ was the head of everything, i never had the opportunity to defend my beliefs. in college, while my friends were as diverse as they come, i spent the majority of my time in fellowship with people from my church community. it wasn't until recently, after graduating from college and moving out on my own to a new city and workplace, where my bubble of all things christian no longer exists.

of course, this comes as no surprise as i wasn't raised ignorant and sheltered from the realities of this world. as a christian, no matter where your setting is, whether it's working for a non-profit christian organization or for a mega multimillionaire corporation, there are always challenges that test your faith. wait.. what?! there are sinners working in ministry?! O_o haha whatever the case, the bible clearly warns us that as a minister of the gospel, our faith will be tested.

i listened to a recent podcast on boundless.org that touched on the topic of christians in the workplace. precisely what's occupied my mind as of recent. one former employee of a fortune 500 corp. described the struggle of a noob wanting to be the best employee and doing his/her best as part of their witness unto the lord - but failing to maintain the balance between selling themselves to the company and keeping their identity. for me, this failure of balance comes from neglecting to voice my opinions in conversation where my beliefs are opposed, picking up weekend shifts... but while i do all this willingly, there are times when i look back on my actions and think, "how did i glorify god today?" what i miss most is the constant hebrews 12 cloud of witnesses in my life.

i've been very fortunate to work with people whom i call my friends. faith values aside, we all get along and have a great time in the office. however, when it comes to spiritual support and building each other up (or lack of), all of a sudden i've become the closet christian. my challenge is to integrate the person i am with the (self-made) expectations of who i'm supposed to be at work. as far as community, the obvious remedy to this problem is plugging into a church or fellowship ...i'm still working on this >_<

my prayer is this - that i have the courage to be intentional in my actions and words at work. without having to mount the pulpit at my desk, i hope that the way i carry myself be evidence of christ-likeness in me. also, to earnestly search for community. i realized that i've reached the point where i no longer consider my current situation as transitionally temporary. it's time to let down some roots.

23The steps of a man are established by the LORD,
And He delights in his way.
24When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand.

psalm 37

construction ahead

beside my cottage door it grows,
the loveliest, daintiest flower that blows,
a sweetbriar rose.

at dewy morn or twilight's close,
the rarest perfume from it flows,
this strange wild rose.

but with the rain-drops on it beat,
ah, then, its odors grow more sweet,
about my feet.

oftimes with loving tenderness,
its soft green leaves i gently press,
in sweet caress.

a still more wondrous fragrance flows
the more my fingers close
and crush the rose.

dear lord, oh, let my life be so
its perfume with tempests blow,
the sweeter flow.

and should it be thy blessed will,
with crushing grief my soul to fill,
press harder still.

and while its dying fragrance flows
i'll whisper low, "he loves and knows
his crushed briar rose."

honestly, i've never liked poems. the way they rhyme after every fragmented phrase just sounds so corny to me. and half the time, i can't even comprehend the vague, subjective ideas that are supposedly woven within between the lines.

but this poem, i like. the imagery is just so beautiful! in a season of my life where things aren't going the way i had planned and patience is slowly losing ground to restlessness and worry, i can't help but grasp on to this hope that god has my entire life sitting on his fingertips. as much as i'd like to ball up and hibernate for awhile to escape the pressures of growing up, i'm comforted at the same time, of the blessings that come from relying on god and letting his kingdom resume construction within me.

Status: Deborah is ______________

the age of social networking has grown to a point where i feel people unknowingly judge another based on what is displayed on their personal sites. it makes sense.. with the amount of content that is posted - personal information, affiliated groups, applications that potentially mirror interests, photo albums, etc... whether or not someone intends to, the phrase "what you see is what you get" automatically sets in the unaware.

a part of me enjoys this. when i log into my xanga or facebook, i feel like i intentionally post items or messages so that others may catch a minute glimpse of my beliefs, my character, my oddities. i post things because i know someone is going to read it and thus, understand me a little more than before. however, at the end of the day, i can't help but think to myself that there's so much more to me than recently posted pictures and another funny anecdote. this is partially the reason why i've stopped updating the xanga that i once vowed to continue until the day my fingers are too arthritic to type.

but what about the me who loves to divulge information into the vastness of the world wide web? yep, she still resides in me, looking for yet another avenue of escape. but this time, instead of mass superpokes and witty one-liner status updates, maybe it's time to try something a little more serious. or at least as serious as i can be = ]

the next question is what new platform my blog will stand on. funny stories extracted from my otherwise ho-hum living accommodations? daily reminders of how cute my bunny is? hehee of course i can't guarantee these won't occasionally yield its place in here, but i'd also like to share with whoever bothers to read my ramblings of things i'm constantly learning about myself, of god, and of this life that he's given to me. whoa, how's that for a change!?

i was reading a book yesterday at a bookstore that talked about the characters of a godly man or woman. having gone to sunday school since the age my parents could trust leaving me under someone else's care, i think i have a pretty good grasp of what god requires of his sons and daughters and what it means to please our heavenly father. as for internalizing this knowledge and letting it completely saturate my every breath and thought.. eeeh >_< this is a quality that i want to be expert at. just like the joy that comes with sharing a day with a friend, how much greater would that joy be to share it with thE Boss who like.. made me and stuff?!

so i guess this is where my new blog comes in. definitely not as a substitute for spending time learning about god or as a display of my .godly character. but as a reflection of new and old things that i'm discovering along the way. of course, that's not to say that miraculously, this blog will contain all the tools necessary to form an accurate picture of me, but i like to think that maybe there is more to me than bumper stickers and top friends. = ]